Today has been a little bit of a rough day. I love my children more than I can express, but man they definitely know how to drive me CRAZY. I never seem to feel like I can get anything done, and when they whine and bug, all it does is aggravate the situation. (This generally only applies to my two youngest. My oldest is at that age where she is super chill and likes her space, as we all do. That, and she wasn’t home today. More on that in detail in a later blost). I struggle all day trying to juggle giving attention to my hyper-active nap-avoiding monsters as I clean, cook breakfast/lunch/dinner, hand out snacks in between, wash and fold an endless abyss of laundry, water the plants, remember to water and feed myself….(sigh). It can take a toll, and today it did. My youngest daughter came up to me today when I finally got to sit down and asked me over and over and over again if I would play dollies with her. Before I could hide it, a big annoyed “NO” was sprawled all over my mean mug and seeping out of my rolling eyes all before I even told her “not now.” It instantly broke my heart when I saw the look on her face, but for goodness sake- being told to pretend to be a headless LOL doll baby wearing Elsa’s dress who’s lost in the wilderness crying for her mom who couldn’t be her mom because I’m pretty sure that’s Peppa Pig’s mom is the LAST thing I wanna do right when I sit down after being in an awful mood all day (deep breath). My guy tries to fix the situation by offering to put a cartoon on for her even though he hates letting her have too much computer/TV time, and she still insists that she wants to play with mommy. Whyyy?? Why me? Why don’t you ever ask your dad to play?
After a little coaxing and tears, she ended up lying next to us while we all watched a movie and 30 minutes later I had their teeth brushed, jammies on, and their butts in bed. Naturally, they fell asleep within minutes because they refuse to nap anymore. But as soon as I hear their soft snores and see how precious their sleeping faces are, my heart sinks and I imaginatively kick my own ass for being such a jerk and not playing dollies with my little girl. Look at her face, how could I say no? I kiss them both, with extreme caution as I would DIE if they woke up…and go vent to my homegirl about it all. Well, I tried talking to my guy first but he was in his natural habitat with PS4 slang and bullet sounds in his favorite spot on the couch, so on the phone I went. And she made me feel better- SO much better. It is so comforting to talk to someone who can relate and doesn’t make you feel like you really are a bad mom like you were feeling. I think a lot of moms and dads feel this way from time to time not because they’re bad parents, but because they’re tired and stressed parents. I also think a lot of parents are too scared to be open with these kinds of feelings in fear of being picked on by other parents. That wouldn’t and doesn’t make anything better. So shoutout to my girl Loretta for being the one to make it better, and not worse, with no judgement ♥ She reminded me my children are well-kept and know I love them very much. Sometimes mommy just doesn’t want to play with dolls and would rather sit her lazy fat ass on the couch with a high-calorie snack (or 4th meal) and enjoy the last of the little bit of time she can with her hubs. Yea, that’s me. But, tomorrow, I will definitely pretend play with my babygirl to make up for my grumpiness today. I guess a little bit of “no don’t say that, she can’t talk because she’s a unicorn mermaid baby going down in the lava” every once in a while is doable 😉
My dolly-loving brat. Coincidentally, her expression is exactly what I look like when she drags over her stash of half-naked and headless barbies. Still love her.